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Saturday, December 17, 2016

It's the little things. It has to be.

When diabetes (and life) gets me down, it's healthy and important for me to take little steps back to happiness. Not 'I'm so glad I have this insulin pump that keeps me alive' steps, but baby steps.

1) Finding four tubs of my favourite flavour of dex tabs. This is a big deal, because it would appear that my favourite flavour has been discontinued and has been replaced with an 'improved' (ie awful) version. Now I have 200 tabs to tie me over! Plus there are new flavours which maybe won't be bad? Citrus punch and tropical...they're mixes but, y'know, I've never been opposed to lemon or cherry...

2) Getting dressed this morning and realizing that wearing a dexcom sensor maybe isn't such a big deal. It felt like a huge deal yesterday. (Like an almost-anxiety-attack, constantly checking on it, feeling super self-conscious huge deal). (Nobody even noticed it).

3) Finding a research study that is literally exactly what I need. They want to know how to improve peds to adult diabetes care transition, which is, I've decided, is the thing I'm going to fix with my nursing career. Please participate (or at least check to see if you can) HERE!

4) "I'm doing okay". Yes, my (trial) Dexcom graph is a bit roller-coaster-y, and maybe yesterday's logbook was red, but tomorrow will be better. I'm thinking more, I'm trying more, and I'm going to experiment to find out what works. Seven years and we're still guessing. But that is okay. I am okay.

5) New meter cases. I recently gave up and am going to make my own (which I am still, I planned it all out!) but seeing a box full of free meter cases cannot be passed up. It's actually really nice! Yes, still black, but not vinyl and something different. Accu-chek, if you could pass your case-making skills on to everyone else, that would be fantastic.

6) Realizing that you have a choice. In some things at least. I did the pre-end-of-year supply run today, and the lovely lady at the CDA only had pink sites. Of course I don't mind, I said. Then she mentioned how she really didn't think it mattered (it is a small piece of a small site, and it can be pink, blue, or grey), no one was going to see it. Which is true, I suppose. But then again, why is fancy underwear a thing? Right? So why shouldn't there be colours? So much of this condition is medical and black and shiny but not exciting. So heck yes I want my site to be pink. (And sometimes blue. But pink for a while because that's all they had).
For a long while, I was using longer cannulas, and they were only ever stocked in blue. And I got sick and tired of it! I am definitely a pink person and that is honestly a big part of why I switched to the shorter cannula and more easily accessible sites.
When I look at the pictures of me on top of a mountain in Russia, I see a tired, trying-not-to-cry-because-she's-homesick-and-it-turns-out-she-detests-hiking girl (who is also a little bit proud because she just hiked up a mountain). I also, inevitably, see diabetes in the picture. And maybe that day got better because that site was pink. Maybe it didn't matter a whit. But maybe that day was just a little bit less worse because that girl didn't hate the thing stuck to her arm.
I will strongly hold my place that colour is important. And choice is important. And yes, having it at all is more important than having a pink one, but mental health is just as important as physical health. If I'm feeling a pink site, a pink site I will have. I have three boxes open right now because honestly, colour matters a lot to me! And I am very glad that I get to choose.

I might not choose diabetes, but it's the little things.

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