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Sunday, October 6, 2013

It was only a dream...

I had a dream last night. I had a really weird sleep last night, so I'm not even going to try and figure out where it came from.
It was a dream about a hospital. (Well, not exactly, but it was a dream, and hospital played a part.)

I had a strange feeling when I woke up. Not a bad feeling, just a feeling that I couldn't quite identify.
I thought about it for quite a while (because this was a good feeling and I needed it back), I realized that it was the feeling that I get when I create awesome elaborate scenarios in my head (like the one where my bedroom has a spiral staircase and an alcove and a windowseat and a platform and a blanket nest and everything that has ever been perfect and there's that feeling again and I love it so much!
It's the feeling that seems to describe passion, that I feel whenever I really love something. Hopefully I'll have that feeling when I meet the person, that one person, hopefully the ONE. BUT - that's a long way off. Right now, especially after the scholarship presentation, I'm thinking about jobs and careers.
You remember how I said I felt this after a dream about a hospital? Well.
I've always loved hospitals. I was thinking this morning that I must have started liking them after diabetes (I know, I know, I'm kinda backwards). But no, because when I got my first French-English dictionary (it had beautiful pictures and I've tried to let go of it but I just CAN'T), I remember my favourite word was 'hospital'. I read the monosentence description over and over and over, trying to figure out my feelings. I used to play doctor all the time, and although the three days I did spend there sucked, I have always wanted to go back to the hospital. Well, not really, 'cause I don't want to be that sick, but that's just what I've wanted. The heart wants what the heart wants. (Or maybe it's the pancreas).
Most of you probably know that I've been leaning heavily towards a career in nursing (pediatrics, undeniably), and of course I've been quite unsure - because choosing NOW seems ridiculous. I mean, I'm only sixteen.
But because of this dream - and I know, it's ridiculous to decide based on a dream and feelings - but honestly, I am a lot more sure of myself. I think nursing is the right place for me, and of COURSE I'll have to try it out before I decide (that means volunteering, hopefully at the local hospital if I ever find myself with enough time.) I know it was only a dream and a childhood feeling, but it's definitely helped me on my path to the future. :)

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