Lots of stories for these ones. :)

Sorry, I'm late. I dyed my hair blue on WDD (well, kind of) and life has kinda been weird since then. (I'm kidding. I chalked blue into my hair, successfully got it to stay on everything except my hair, and I've just been lazy and forgetful). I'm knitting Christmas presents; can you really blame me?
A few things:
- Happy Birthday, Dad!
- Last night my pump battery died. Like, DIED. It alarmed Low Battery at 10:56 (I know, I know, I meant to be asleep by then), so I locked it and said I'd deal with it in the morning. Well, this morning I check my blood sugar - 15.3. Whaaaaat??? I clicked over to my pump, meaning to unlock it and question the high - no response. Click, click, click, press...nope. So I'm kinda freaking out, because even when the battery DIES it alarms annoyingly saying 'replace battery to silence alarm'. Over and over and over again. But this time it didn't. I wouldn't be worried, but this is how I killed Little Buddy. Also the date and time had reverted back to 12 am January 2007. (Why 2007, Animas?). I think it's fine, I changed the battery and the history and everything was still intact, but I'm still a little worried. I guess we'll find out in 6 weeks or so whether this actually impacted it. :)
-Also I saw an owl yesterday! He was GORGEOUS and HUGE and he let me get really close for a picture! It's a great picture! I love having a cameraphone! Owls are also really scary when they look at you because it feels like they're going to swoop down and carry you away!
-And, AND, later today, my meter batteries died. And I had no extra. NOT a good day for batteries.

And now, The Weather.

(Sorry, couldn't resist. You should listen to Welcome to Night Vale. You might like it. I'm not even sure if I like it, but it's tons of fun.)

 Day 12: Glucose

These are my glucose tabs. Dex4. (Because they're made of Dextrose and they have 4 carbs! Get it? Get it?) Everyone hates on them, but I really quite like them. The fruit punch ones are my favourite, but they're not sold everywhere and when I run out unexpectedly I usually end up with these. Most of the time they're okay, but there's those odd lows that screw up my taste and make them taste like salad dressing. The fruit punch ones taste like candy though. (Even though there's a pineapple on the front, which I hate).

 

Day 13: Struggle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got to go to the beach today in the rain. I don't think I've ever felt so good. It was calm, serene, and I was so happy.

Being there, hearing the waves crashing onto the rocks, hearing the rocks be pulled into the ocean with the tide, really made me think of my struggles. Almost all the time I'm okay, but sometimes I feel like that one rock that can't control where it's going, drowning in water, being pushed and pulled through life with no say in the matter. The waves crash over my head, sometimes pulling me, but sometimes reaching, reaching, reaching, but never quite touching. Struggle is hard. Most of the time I'm okay, most of the time those waves keep reaching but never touch, but sometimes I fall and they grab hold of me. Eventually I regain my place and I'm okay again. Sometimes you have to let yourself lose control.

 

Day 14: Support #WDD

This is my blue circle necklace. I was really excited when I found it last year, seeing as a blue circle is the symbol of diabetes month. I wore my diabetic shirt (Does this shirt make me look diabetic?), blue everything (pants, socks, nail polish, earrings...) and I chalked a strand of hair blue. Of course at the end of the day everything EXCEPT my hair was blue (especially the shower water, my goodness), but it's the thought that counts.

 

Day 15: Diabuddies

What is a diabuddy? A diabuddy is someone you can rely on, someone you can trust, someone who understands every little thing you feel when it comes to diabetes. A diabuddy is someone who will wear ridiculous matching shirts, someone who will get you a juicebox (and stare longingly at it the entire time you're drinking it), someone who will understand your ridiculous jokes, will laugh hysterically with you when you're low (Capture the flag!!!), someone who will be there for you, someone who will be your dead pancreas buddy (DPB) and will volunteer to take the garbage out with you (Shakespeare!). Sometimes you connect instantly, sometimes it takes a little while. But it always works, you're always buddies, and you're sure you'll be buddies for the rest of your life. (Hey Z, you gotta get out here sometime! Also I wish I could go to camp again!)

 

Day 16: Hero/Heroine

I have a lot of heroines. My mum. My teachers. My Guiding friends. Jennifer Lawrence. (Seriously, go see how great she is.) Maybe these people are more idols than heroes though. Is anyone a hero, really?

But Kerri Sparling, of SixUntilMe, is my heroine. Her blog is one of the few constants in my life - I read it every day and it's a favourite page on all my devices. Her ability to form thoughts into words (stars into constellations) is incredible, and I hope one day I'll be as much of an advocate as she is. I'm too shy to ever tell her this through her blog or email or anything, so I'll just respect and idolize her from afar. You know when you imagine meeting a celebrity, how you'll react, whether you'll choose autograph, picture or handshake; how you get excited whenever you learn that they've been in your country; how you make every word they say your motto. Yeah. She's my celebrity, my dream, my heroine.

 

Day 17: Research

I forgot to take a picture. (Insert sciency image here). Honestly, right now (and actually most of the time) I'd rather they found a cure for cat allergies rather than diabetes. Although they have made some giant, awesome leaps in diabetes research. One of my other dreams (I have quite a few related to diabetes) is to participate in a clinical trial either for an external pancreas, new medication, whatever. That would be great.

 

Day 18: Biohazard

I love this symbol. I love that for four years I've known it on every science quiz, I've been the first to know what it is and what it means. I see it every day (well, at least every time I remember to safely dispose of my needles XD) on this garish yellow container stored beneath the bathroom sink. I really don't take it as seriously as I should. Biohazard? Yeah, I can touch that.

Pictures speak a thousand words. (Maybe not quite a thousand, but a lot).

It's been more than three days. My apologies. I've been staying up much too late recently and become less and less motivated to post. I'll fix that. Anyway...

Day 7: Pre-diagnosis

This is LONG before the days of diabetes, when Halloween was just a day for free candy and every day was easy (-er than it is now). I'm about six in this picture, and I had no idea that six years minus fifteen days later my life would change forever.

 

Day 8: Diagnosis

This teddy bear right here. He's the best. (Yes, I know it's 'just a teddy', okay?) I'm sixteen, and I'm not ashamed to say that I still sleep with a  bed full of teddy bears. This guy was my support for those hospital days - I cried into his fur, hugged him through the needles, and squeezed him tight when I needed a hug. I've had him since I was a baby - and when I was diagnosed, I got a new teddy bear (a gorgeous golden retriever) - and this guy is the best. He's still soft, still fluffy, still huggable. He's the best hugger there is, the best support, and I can't believe he's been with me for SIXTEEN years. One of the only constants in my life. I love him :)

(Teddy bears mean a lot to me, and if you think that's juvenile or lame, whatever. They're part of my life, and I love them.)

  

Day 9: Bolus-worthy

 Ah, yes. The slushie. Frozen pop, available for purchase at most gas stations. An occasional treat, and delicious! Definitely worth the five units it cost. (Also this particular slushie was free because the gas station guy appreciated that we cleaned up the small mess we made. Tells you something about the kids in my town, huh?)

 

Day 10: Low treatment

This is my glucose-tab holder. It's usually empty, because right after I fill it up I use them. It's the zipper pull on my glucometer, so I always have it. If I could just remember to fill it up...

Also, it is NOT a contact lens case. I am SO SICK of that question.

 

Day 11: Med-alert

Mah bracelet! It's a bit tarnished right now because it hasn't quite recovered from its chlorine bath (swimming pool). Although it says Allergic to cats on the back (which is true, but nowhere near bad enough to warrant a MEDICAL BRACELET, MOM (love you), and it makes everyone laugh, so that's cool), I've been wearing it for four years. My grandparents bought it for me (because the free one is not the prettiest thing you've ever seen) and I really like it. It's simple, but pretty, too, and I've actually received quite a few compliments on it as a bracelet - so I don't mind wearing it every day :) It's also become a habit to wear it, so it feels really weird on the rare occasions that I wear my necklace instead. I don't think I've worn that since Mexico. And that was three years ago. Huh.

It always goes on my left wrist, because I'm right-handed and it gets in the way. It's been through a lot - paint, chlorine, pottery wheels (that was particularly nasty)...but it's survived. And it keeps me safe. So really it's a win-win-win kinda thing.

Thrice is nice.

Three is a good number. Instead of posting every day (because honestly I lack the motivation to post every day), I think I shall post three pictures every three days. So, here are the next three.

Day 4: A1c

A drop of blood. That's all it takes to tell me the average of my blood sugars over the last three months. That's pretty impressive. My last A1c was 7.3, which is not as low as I'd like it, nor is it as awesome as it has been in the past. However, this was my first clinic since Europe, and my only goal in Europe was to avoid lows. Ergo, higher A1c. Also, it's ridiculous that such a small drop of blood and one number can be considered our 'grade' on how well we're doing. It's not. It's an average of our blood sugars. And sure, sometimes it's higher or lower than we'd like, but it's not a grade. It's just an average. Healthy? Happy? That's all the grade you need.

Day 5: Insulin

(I didn't actually have any open vials, and as before mentioned, I lack the necessary motivation to find one.) 3 mL in a vial. That's 300 units. That's how I survive for 75 days. But it's so, so small. And this box? This box has 1500 units in it. That's only 15 mL. Not even enough for a sip of water. But so, SO important.













Day 6: Big Blue Test
I've never done the Big Blue Test. I keep meaning to, and keep meaning to, and then I forget, and also I don't exercise as much as I probably should. Also I'm shy, and don't get involved in big diabetes things (but I really, really should.) Therefore, no picture today. Sorry. :)

Ketchup!

Sorry, I got distracted. School and sleepovers and babysitting...anyway. I'm here now.
This month I'm going to attempt a photo challenge that I found on tumblr...the Diabadass challenge. :)

Here's the challenge:

And here's what I've done with it for the first three days (sorry they're not on time):

Day 1 - Selfie

This is my face. It's alright. :)

Day 2 - Pump or injections?

Pump. This is Bubbles, my Animas Ping. I love him.

 

Day 3 - Glucometer

Aaaaand...this is my glucometer. He does not have a name. I wish he had a LED screen. Yes, there are lots of test strips, because it requires a lot of effort to clean those out. That smiley face keychain on the left means a lot to me; it was given to me by one of my Sparks last year who moved away. It reminds me to smile, to keep a positive attitude, that no one is ever too far away, that there's a silver lining to everything, and to remember that childhood is fleeting and it's my job to help the Sparks make the most of it :)

 

There you go. First three days, all in one! I'll try to keep up from now on. ;)

It's Halloween!

Which means tomorrow is November 1st! (On a Halloween note, I can't wait until I have kids. They are gonna get DRESSED up.)

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month (NDAM). :) I'm not wearing blue every day again this year because, fun as that was, I REALLY missed my pink.

I am going to paint and keep my nails blue for the duration of the month, and of course I'll go all out blue on the 14th! (And my blue circle necklace! Woo!) (And I think I'll do blue Fridays as well. But not tomorrow because tomorrow is pajama day and imam be all out Welsh!)

I'm going to try and post here every day, or AT LEAST once every couple days.

I'm going to reach out, talk about diabetes, read other blogs, maybe link this blog to facebook or tumblr...

The JDRF 6th annual video contest was announced! The theme is 'Diabetes by numbers'. It's gonna be good. I have lots of ideas, and I'm stoked! I'll find a song early this year...

Tomorrow is November. It may be Movember as well, but it was Diabetes Month first. (I really hate that both causes have the same colour. Guys, there's twelve months in a year. Really?)

Have an awesome first day of diabetes awareness month. :)

What I can't have.

So, I was thinking today...

(First of all, on an unrelated note, the awesome diabetic spark joined my unit! Woo!)

There are a lot of things that bother me that I wouldn't even think about without diabetes. Other than the obvious, obviously.

• I can't buy loose pants - my pump pulls them down. Actually, any pants if I don't wear the waistband right. Also any pants I exercise in have to have a tight waistband. Loose sweatpants, comfy as they are, often reveal more than intended. Bubbles doesn't look that heavy, but...
• I can't donate blood. I'm not allowed. That bothers me. A lot.
• I can't be a professional driver. Do I want to be? No. Did I ever want to be? No. (Except for that week in kindergarten when I wanted to drive a backhoe.) Does it bother me that I can't? A little bit.
• Bagels. I'll just leave that there.
• Doorknobs. They suck. They keep pulling out my tubing. Urgh.

Mind you, there are lots of little things that diabetes makes better...

• Free flu shots!
• Free food!
• Free promo stuff!
• Camp!
• Knowing you have something in common as soon as you find someone is diabetic!
• Carb-free meals! (Yay eggs and green veggies!)
• Jokes! (Does this shirt make me look diabetic?)

Diabetes isn't all bad. There's lots that's bad about it, but it's not all bad. :)

And I missed it...

So...um...it was my fourth diaversary yesterday.

And I completely forgot.

I didn't forget leading up to it; on Friday I was like Hey! Sunday's the 13th! I should celebrate! and then I didn't remember until today. The 14th. I completely missed it.

Last year I didn't remember until 8 oclock at night - but I didn't MISS it.

I mean, I guess that's good - it's really not a big deal, it's just a part of my life now.

But it should be important.

I feel like I've forgotten a really important birthday. (Like 18. Or 19. Or anything after that. XD)

I should have celebrated that four year mark. I should have had cake. (Although I did, unknowingly, have a celebratory ice cream).

I think about this day most of the year. It's really important. It shows how much I've conquered, how much I've come through, who I am today.

I shouldn't feel bad. It's just a day. It really doesn't matter.

It's just that now, I've been taking hormones made in a lab for four years.
The lovely golden retriever [stuffie] named Sage on my bed is four years old now.
Bubbles is almost two. Little Buddy was one. Together, that's been three years. In May, it will have been four years minus seven months.
I've had those extra needles for four years.
I haven't stayed for more than an hour in a hospital for four years.
My fingers have had callouses and poke holes for four years.
I haven't been able to properly enjoy a bagel for four years. (C'mon, guys. Sugar free bagels. They should exist by now).

A LOT has happened in the last four years. I've been to Europe without my parents. I've travelled for 20 hours next to strangers. I've become a babysitter with an awesome reputation (and a lot of cash in the bank!). I've discovered what I want to be when I grow up. I've made new friends, lost old ones. I've become Giggles. I've become a Sparks leader. Sparks have become some of my favouritest people in the world. I've become a knitter.

I haven't even been knitting for four years.

I've had diabetes longer than I've been doing a lot of the things that are the first thing people think of when they think of me.

It's just a day. It shouldn't matter.
But I still remember most of it, even though a lot of the details are quite foggy.
The worst part is that I still remember life before diabetes.
I remember what it was like to not have to check my blood sugar.
I remember what it was like to be able to eat a bagel without worries.
I remember what it was like to be able to go to a sleepover and not have to worry about crazy highs. (Seriously. Every time.)
I remember life before, and that hurts more than life after ever has.

Next year it will have been five years since that fateful day. That's a big number.

The enormity of it all makes me want to cry.