Sigh.

I wrote this last night when I was really tired and all these things were true. I'm okay today, except for some itchy eyes, but the fact that I couldn't find my Delica this morning and had to use one of the old painful things reminded me of how I felt.

Sometimes I want to throw everything into a corner and cover it up with a blanket so I can just forget.
Like when I have to change my site twice within two hours because the first newly-put-in one decided to come off as the sticky chemicals refused to adhere to my arm - that's annoying. And, apparently, worth a cry.
And I'm at that point in time where camp is close (less than 70 days!) but so far away, when I seem to have lost contact with my diabetes buddies, when I haven't been to the clinic in three months (I know that that's how long it's supposed to be between visits, but it's been way too long for me because I love the hospital and I really want to see my doctors), where I haven't talked diabetes with somebody who understands in ages, and where I can't stand this feeling alone.
Sometimes I want to cry. I know that I can if I want, but nobody will understand. I know they try hard, but they really can't understand it completely. And now I'm crying because right now I just want to be rid of this thing. It's always in the way no matter how small it claims to be.
This day started out so good - why did one little thing hurt so much?

And now I have to go find a box of tissues because it just. Won't. Go. Away.

Sometimes it's really hard to say that diabetes isn't who I am.

Inspired.

There have been many people in my life. Countless teachers, acquaintances, relatives...too many to count. But a few of those people have stayed in my mind because they are special to me. They've inspired me, proved that there are people worth a role model stature.
(I'm sorry if this sounds rather like an awards-show speech. :P)

My grade 8 teachers, Mme. A and Mr. L, you showed me that I can be whoever I want to be, do whatever I want to do. That anything is possible, even if especially if I have to work for it. (You also inspired me to create this blog!)
Grade 1 was a long time ago, but I remember my teacher. Mme. J, I will probably never meet you again, but thank you for starting my education off right.
Everybody at camp - you've shown me how to smile in the midst of dark clouds. Thanks.
My whole family has inspired me and showed me how to be the best I can and have supported me through everything.
All my non-diabetic friends, even if you don't understand my diabetic humour, you've shown me that I am accepted, no matter how different I may be.
Everybody in the DOC (diabetes online community) - you've given me something special. You've inspired me to stand up for what I believe in and you've shown me that I am not alone. That none of us are alone.
Alright, I don't know if anybody is reading this (I know that my mom and my Sparks leader are!), but if you are, thanks. You are helping me to be heard, to be strong.

And last, but most definitely not least, sixuntilme.com. Kerri, if you ever see this - I've been reading your blog diligently for two years. You give me hope everyday that I can and will lead a perfectly normal life with diabetes. You put everything into perfect words that help me smile even on the worst days. You are my role model and someday I hope to have as strong a voice as you.

Thank you, everybody, for inspiring me.

Poking fun.

I don't usually get comments on my pump. I've had the occasional "What is that on your arm?" (followed by walking away when I start to explain), but nothing huge. Until the other day.

"What is that?" (One of the kids in my English class). "Oh, that? It's an insulin pump." *Walks away to do something important*. I came back, and got the question again. I then proceeded to give my I'm-feeling-lazy-so-I'll-explain-in-little-kid-talk explanation. "I have diabetes. It gives me medecine when I need it." He smiled with an "Ha! I thought it was an MP3 player." This is then followed by a chorus of "So did I!" from around the class. (But who wears an MP3 on their hip all the time?)

And then today. Again, in English. What a funny class. Anyways, the kid two seats down from me (kid in the middle was sick) is a fun guy. He's nice - don't get me wrong by what follows.
He pointed at my pump and looked at me questioningly. "What's that?" "Insulin pump. Medecine." I go back to reading. I feel a presence leaning towards me, and look over in time to see this guy poking a button on my Little Buddy. Sure, it was a little that's-my-bubble-ish, but that's okay. When it lit up he jumped back. "Oh no! Did I do something wrong?" (Oh, how I wanted to say yes. I could see it - "NOOO! You've given me too much insulin! I'm going to collapse!") But no, I figured that I should do my bit for diabetes advocacy. "No, it's fine. You only lit up the screen." "Ah." We both went back to our respective tasks and all was well.

The funny comments you hear. :)

*I'm sorry that I haven't posted for so long! Life really gets in the way sometimes...

Humour.

 Alright, so neither my friends nor my family understand my diabetes jokes. But that's okay - they try their best.

Today, I was looking for matching diabetes t-shirts for me and Z for camp. (Note: if anybody knows of a reliable, inexpensive t-shirt site, please post a link in the comments? I don't want to spend an insane amount of money...) Some of the humour was insensitive and directed at Type 2 misconceptions, but others were ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

For example:

This one isn't necessarily funny, it's just SO me.

And my favourite...



So, which one is your favourite? Would you wear them?

Found the PSA!

It's exactly as the title says. As I said in the last post about the Body of Proof episode, there was a PSA at the end. I have been searching all of cyberspace for it, and I found it.

There's a 30-second commercial, but that's okay. It's worth it, especially to know that the whole world heard this.

http://abc.go.com/watch/clip/a-better-community/FK_BCOM/PL5565324/VD55173459/every-day/?cid=abccomsearch_results

I also found out that Mary Mouser does have diabetes. (see this page, 3rd post down). As I said before, there was some doubt. But if we refuse to believe what someone says, then what can we believe?

Just wanted to show this because my efforts have not been in vain. :)

*Giggles and flaps hands with glee*

Alright, I officially have a new favourite TV show.

Body of Proof. (Again. Sorry, but I'm uberexcited.)

The newest episode, which aired on Tuesday, was AMAZING! (It was a season finale, which is insanely annoyingly suspenseful, but the crime side was pretty good. I mean, no brain? How much better can you get?)* But on the diabetes side, it made me smile for a whole day.

Lacy (the daughter) had a pump. Yes, this seemed a bit quick, but TV timelines are allowed to be a bit skewed. Not only did they talk about it, but they showed her changing her site! And talking about food diaries and blood sugar checking/logs and about how hard it is to be 'normal'. The biggest thing was that Lacy was talking about how she wasn't allowed to have fun anymore (because of her worrying mother - understandable on both counts) and how things were really hard to deal with. I so connected with this that I almost cried. And the fact that it was broadcast in that way all over the continent made me SO happy.
Later, Lacy was talking to another character who told her that she was stronger than diabetes. That she was mature and could deal with it, that she couldn't let it stop her.
Such a happy feeling.
Please, ABC, bring this show back for a third season! PLEASE!

In short, this is one of the best portrayal of diabetes I have ever seen on TV. And it looks like the storyline will keep going. This feeling that I had was so overpoweringly wonderful that I want to find and hug the producers of this show. Thank you. And please bring it back!

*I like murder mysteries. They're cool. :P

Accuracy.

A lot of the time, diabetes portrayed on the TV screen is not accurate. They almost always end whatever scene it may be with the 'you'll never be okay' kind of thing. But once in a blue moon, there's one show that gets it right.

Body of Proof. It's a coroner crime show - the kind of thing I like. I never really watched it (there's lots of other good stuff), but my parents do. My mum told me that I should watch an episode that was on the PVR because it had something I would appreciate.

I watched it. There was a diabetic element - the lead character's daughter is diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Although I wouldn't know as well as some people, they showed DKA very well and they did focus a bit on the events leading up to it (for example, missing the nail when you're hammering it into the wall). The best part, though, was at the very end. The girl is awake, scared, and confused. In a tear-jerking scene, she asked her mother how she can have diabetes. "I'm not even overweight! And now I'm going to go blind, and lose my legs..." (Sidenote: Don't quote me on this. It's just a jist.) The mother then tells her that that is not true. "Forget everything you ever knew about diabetes. Those are misconceptions. Type 1 is something completely different. It's a completely manageable condition."
The fact that they made an effort to show things right makes me incredibly happy.

It's a show that I will be watching from now on.

Endnote(s): The episode was called 'Identity', about two girls in a car accident. The awesome scene is near the end, at about 40 min. Apparently on live TV (I watched a recording) they showed a JDRF-endorsed PSA. If anybody can find it to watch somewhere, I'd love to see it.
We're not sure if the actress who plays the daughter (Mary Mouser) is diabetic - some people yay it, others nay. *Confused*.
There was only a few points of inaccuracy - apparently she had an insulin pump the next episode (still must watch). The timeline on TV shows is often skewed though, so that's okay. The only other thing that bugged me was her blood sugar - they said it was 450. It's an American show (set in Philadelphia) so I assume, using the divide by 18 rule, that her sugar was 25. I thought that DKA sugars were much higher? I was diagnosed at 26.something, with no DKA, so I don't know if it's just me or if they mixed up. But it doesn't matter - it was so accurate and happyfying, I just want to see whatever they come out with. I hope that this plot element remains and actually becomes part of the story. That would be cool.